I’m tired.

It’s been a rough few weeks for us Whites. A bought of illness means Zigs has been sleeping badly. I know I’ve had it good so far with the little guys sleep. I seriously cannot handle a couple of bad nights in a row. It’s been about a month now.

Good luck if you continue reading. Who knows what slosh will come out…

Lack of sleep has a seriously detrimental affect on my colitis. Good sleep is also the one thing that has the most positive impact on my recovery. So you can imagine that almost a month of bad sleep is leaving me in a pretty bad state. Ben will tell you I have even been known to say, ‘I think I’m going to die’. Drama queen or what?! At the time I really meant it!!!

Lack of sleep is used as torture. There’s good reason for this, it effing sucks. It makes you do and think all sorts of weird things. I’ve found it brings on anxiety. The easiest thing would be to curl up in a ball and hibernate with your baby, but that’s never an option is it mums and dads?!

Woe is me. But seriously, I’m drained. My colitis is kicking my ass and a good sleep seems the only way out. I’ve also decided to start giving Ziggy some formula so I’m not exclusively breastfeeding (along with the food he’s having now he’s weaning), in the hope that my body can use some of its energy for itself!

Heart wise, I have an MRI scan lined up in March which will give us a proper picture of how my heart is. Until then, we’re going with the likelihood that it’s doing well. Bad colitis does not help my heart as I lose blood, lack nutrients my heart needs and my heart generally has to work much harder. Something we don’t really want it doing.

Today is Time to Talk day. An important reminder that it’s good to reach out to those you know for a proper chat. Maybe more than a quick text or a WhatsApp. Offer a chat and be there to listen. Something that, sadly I learnt the hard way, is so bloody important. Being a mum, pretty much always being sick and running a business has been really bloody hard at times and I’m so grateful to those that offer an ear. I may well have been in a different way right now, without talking. Something I wouldn’t joke about.

Happiest of birthdays to my most gorgeous friend Jack for tomorrow. We miss you xxx

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