12 – Walker not a runner

It’s with great sadness that I have to let you know that I won’t be running the London marathon on 21st April. I had final tests at the Brompton yesterday and while I’m ‘extremely fit’ (had to get that in there) my heart’s not good enough for me to run the marathon, or any marathon or half marathon ever again. It’s time to hang up my running shoes after a pretty good career. I’ve had the pleasure, yes pleasure, of running the London Marathon, Barcelona half marathon, Royal Parks half marathon (twice!), Reading half marathon, Run to the Beat, the Great North Run, Great South Run and Bupa 10ooo. I’ve got a good collection of medals and I’ve still got cartilage in my knees so there are some positives to this news!

The delightful exercise test I took yesterday.

You may wonder why, if I’m fit and have done all these runs in the past why I can’t continue my hobby. I’ll try and explain the technical health bit…

I have dilated cardiomyopathy which means that my heart is weak and enlarged which means it can’t pump blood as efficiently as a healthy heart. Since I was diagnosed in 2008 my heart’s steadily decreasing in function and yesterday I found out that it’s got to the point where they need me to take drugs to try and limit it getting worse. If we now add in my ulcerative colitis, which causes weird electrolyte activity affecting the heart, as well as limits the amount of nutrience I can absorb from my food it becomes more serious. I lack in a lot of crucial vitamins and iron, which often makes me feel very tired, dizzy and faint. These are also vitamins that the heart needs to function as best it can.

So, even though the rest of my body feels fit to run, my heart can’t hack it and it’s very dangerous to strain it by running silly distances. People always say to me, ‘oh you’re a natural runner’. I can tell you now, I think we’ve proven that I’m not and I find it bloomin’ hard lugging myself round a half marathon course, let alone a marathon!

What happens next? Well while I explain the health bits easily and joke about it, I’m crushed. I don’t know whether it’s the marathon, the loss of running or just knowing I’ve got these diseases I can’t control. I’ll moap about a bit and feel sorry for myself. I’ve lost my favourite hobby and as silly as it sounds I have to morn it. I have to accept that my ticker’s worse than I thought and decide what to do about the marathon. I want to keep going, I want to walk it (that’s been given the nod by my heart doctor for those worriers). Ben and I have raised £2.5k and I want to keep fundraising. I just have to work out whether I’m mentally strong enough to get over the not running. Training up till now, running 3 times a week since November, running 15 miles on the weekend and constantly gearing up for the marathon is engrained in my brain. Stopping now and giving up would be easy but I like to make my life that little bit more challenging. I can see myself walking it, raising more money, getting more people signed up for organ donation and raising awareness of the diseases. While it’s hard for me, remember there are thousands of people with this condition that are much worse off. They need organs RIGHT NOW. They can’t get out of bed, let alone walk a marathon.

Trying to understand my echo results.

I’ve cried all the way through writing this. Please appreciate that it’s hard for me to share this and I’m not normally someone to publish this sort of information. This blog’s been a challenge for me. I’m doing this for the reasons I listed above and would love it if you could:

1. Sign up for organ donation

2. Register to give blood

3. Tell your friends and family to do number 1 & 2

4. Sponsor me and Ben

Thank you for your support

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